How's it going!
Back with a new post!
So, yesterday I was opening my phone and just checking out the twitter and I came across this thread- some kind of question thread that was retweeted by a friend of mine.This thread contained a questions about moments in your life in 2017- more like to sums up of what you're doing during 2017 and more to questions about life- and then I was thinking that maybe I can answer all the questions in here. Well the thread was typed by @blxcknicotine and do follow her on twitter cause she got a lot of motivational tweets and I recommend you guys to go and check on her twitter. So here's the questions:
To not trust anyone or someone that made you think he/she is interested on you and stick with the people that was always on your back for all this time. Old friends are friends that you can count on and do not ever ignore your best friends.
Anything- new things to learn, new story to make, new challenges, FYP (that's is the important thing) and- yeah all of it. Too many to count.
Yes. The thing when you waited for something that you really hoped for wasn't come true. That breaks my heart and really depressing. So yeah, I cried a lot this year. hahaha
"Dude, If there is someone that tries to being friendly at you, please don't ever think that she is interested on you and don't ever try to say something stupid to the person that thinking she was into you. She just being friendly, that's all. I'm begging you to stop. don't ever think about trying to get her or some shit. Seriously DON'T or you will
regret for the rest of your entire life"
To be honest, yeah. After all the dramas that happened, I was doing a pretty good job on academic fortunately and I'm still standing. It's not like I'm happy about it, but more like I was glad.
Life to me means when you grow up everyday, every week, every year. It's not just growing up physically, but also mentally. You're slowly growing up to become a better person, to become more wise, to be more matured and can decide what things that will makes you better in the future and also to practice on doing good deeds.
To not sending my roommates to the train station by motorcycle. Because of that, I lost half of the front rabbit teeth and I was having a hard time right now because of that.
Gathering with my old friends, eating roti canai at the restaurant, chit-chatting. I miss those moments.
Just say I am doing fine and I'm still alive even though the whole world didn't even care. hahaha.
Nope. Actually I wasn't really planned on anything for this year. I was just following the flow.
Yeah. People make mistakes. There is no perfect person in this entire world. so, everyone deserves a second chance to correct the mistakes that they have done.
To stop being naive and too nice to other people or else people will stomp you real bad.
Sometimes, but not really. It already past anyway so there is nothing to regret.
Nope. I mean- come on. I'm still a student. hahaha. But if I have a career and money, maybe I will.
I don't know. I think so. I never ask my friends about this. But to me, I think I am good at hiding my feelings.
I do. Two person to be exact because they are always with me. Middle school, college.
So yeah, I guess that was the question that I've answered- I think.
Thank you for reading my post.
See you guys on the next posts.
STORIES FROM THE NOTE (FINAL)
Not more than three months, this happened...
I guess this is the end of the
effort for me to win her heart.. after all this past three months, I wasn't able to win her heart.
Yes I gave up very easily..
I also having that kind of thought too. You know.. the "why did you give up so easily man? It just the beginning!" Thought.. hahaha
You know what's funny?
When you giving a promise that you're not going to give up and you'll wait for her until you get her and in the end you're the one who gave up and letting her go. It's easy to say but actually hard to do when you've been through with it.
Well she's tough to be honest. She's not the kind of woman that would easily fell in love. When I think about it, it seemed like I am forcing her to fall for me. You know like giving her gifts and some shit like that. People around me including her friends are on my side. Telling her that she shouldn't done that to me by giving "false hope". And it was also my fault for being jealous with the wrong person which is her closest friend ( don't want to mention him )
Well the way she treat her "friend" is like "more than a friend" to me- well not just me, even other people also having the same thought as me. Could you believe that?
Then I realised..
Why are you still waiting for the person that doesn't give any effort to like you? Even though she told you to try to like you but actually she wasn't?
I've made a choice to just let her go. What people would say as... MOVED ON.
I'm tired.. So goddamn tired..
Tired of what? This kind of nonsense thing that shouldn't be happen to me. Because of this, I just lost one of my best friend which is not anymore.
After all that happened, my life has been pretty good so far. My ex-girlfriend has already forgave me for what I did to her and we became best friend. Well, we still in contact after that. Also, all the problems that I have had before has already been done. One of my bestfriend that I ignored him has been good to me. He was misunderstand about me and doesn't know anything about how hard am I at that time because I didn't told him anything about it.
for the final semester, I decided to go out from my beloved hostel with my beloved roommates as I thought that I can't stay with them. I will go from house to college back and forth instead as it is hard for me to find for another room. Also, I was still in contact with the girls from my classes and also Kak Nor, the girl that I asked about the woman. While Nik, well as I told you guys from the previous posts, I was no longer a friend of him. But, sometimes he still asked me on how am I doing which I still appreciate him. You know what man, I still value you as my friend even though we're not anymore.
While the woman, well I didn't even talked to her after all that happened. Not even a single word came out between the two of us. Until now, we still didn't say anything and it's good this way because I am trying to get her out from my mind. Do I still trying to talk to her in the future? maybe not. I'm not going to talk to her or even look at her face as if she didn't even exist. Or maybe not. We'll see.
And for the letter that she gave to me, here is my answer:
I know this is already late and probably you've already forget about it but I want to say that. Firstly, I'm sorry for leaving you without any notice or not even telling you anything about all this. Well, as you can see I am no longer chasing you or to be more specific, I have given up on you. Well yeah it's true that Allah decide it for us that our relationship didn't work. And you know what, you shouldn't say sorry about all this- I am the one who is supposed to say sorry for wasting all your time at me, for disturbing you, all of it that annoys you. For the teddy bear and the shawl, you didn't have to give it back as if it no longer mine because it was yours- well you should just throw it away instead of just gave it to me. For your smile, just keep it to other people but me because for sure whenever you meet me, you're not even give it a smile at me or even a look at me so i suggested that you don't need to force yourself smiling at me.
Thank you for wasting your time for me and it was nice to have met you.
That was the end of the lamest story that I have had and sorry for taking a while because my internship schedule was so packed and finally I got the opportunity to finish this story today. Thank you for reading my story.
Stories from the note (part 1)
So it's Friday, 14th July 2017. The start of my internship is getting closer. Damn I'm still not ready for that. Tomorrow i'm going to leave my lovely house again and drive to cyberjaya since my company is near cyberjaya. So yeah- wish me luck guys!
Well, as you guys knew from the previous blog that I posted, this is the first as I say a "story" from the note on my phone that has been sitting there for months and that was for this blog but actually I don't have any time to post it on the blog. So I kept it whenever i'm free so yeah- I'm kind of free today so I decided to post the first story or maybe the continuation for the part 2 of " unrequited love " hahahaha. looks like i'm making a novel.
So here it is!
*note that the highlighted writing is recently typed by me.
((Well this is the time when I was already confessed to her after like a month since the first not-really-a-date if i'm not mistaken and she did not gave any answer and i was willing to wait for her answer and saying a lot of nonsense things that I don't want to say because its really cringy and stupid.
So after all the confession happened, I was trying really really hard to make sure she accept me by saying good morning and good night everyday, calling her , sometimes i gave her something like teddy bear, shawls
she never wore it because the pattern of the shawl looked weird etc. I was also having a lot of depression just because of this thing. I was really worried about what is her answer she's going to give me. it's either accepting me or probably rejecting me. I've never been so depressed in my entire life. and waiting for her answer is just really torturing me. this is the time when I was still having so much hopes on her and crying like a little bitch, literally like a little bitch.
and there is this one night that she really asking me a lot of questions to making sure how serious I am to her and then she decided to say this: ))
" Okay, mcm ni, kami akan cuba untuk ((suka)) Fiki. Tapi, kalau kami tak boleh, jangan marah erk?"
I won't mad, i won't get angry, I won't get upset if you can't love me back. But I will try and try and keep on trying. Until you finally like me. (Yeah that's the bullshit me)
But those sentence that you said to me, are you really meant it? Like do you actually trying to like me? What I saw is just nothing. You're still you. You're not even trying.
I always thought that did you actually felt really annoyed by me? Like seriously annoyed by me? I still can't read on what you're actually thinking. I wish I can read your mind that did you really like me or you like someone else. I always thought that you like Nik (This is when the jealousy started to develop inside of me. Which makes the friendship between me and Nik started to get loose).
Because you always talking about him, always calling his name, always relied on him. Like you're actually wanted him to be yours or something. I said that I'm not jealous but the truth is I am really jealous. That level on how jealous I am that it kept on appearing in my dreams. Wherever you're in my dreams, there is always him that appeared. Sometimes i get really fed up by it. It's like a nightmare for me.
I just hoped that the dreams didn't come true. What comes true is when you are with me forever and ever till jannah insyaallah.
(And turns up it didn't come true. HAHAHAHAHA. Well,Allah has better plan)
Ya Allah it's so cringy while reading it.
Well what to do. When you already in love with someone, all kinds of nonsense hopes and promises started to came out of nowhere without realizing the consequences.
I guess this is the end of my post. There is more to come.
A little talk.
back with a new post.
So it's july 12th 2017, Wednesday. It's 5 days left before my internship starts. To be very honest, i'm not ready for my internship. SO NOT READY FOR THAT. It's a different atmosphere, different feelings. kinda new experience. So I have no idea what's to come. So, I just hope that this semester will be going very well.
Today i'm going to have a little talk about last post that I made like 4 or 3 days ago about the continuation of the other post that I posted like 5 months ago if i'm not mistaken? Yeah, I know there is like 5 months gap between the first part and my second part due to hectic schedule and actually the last post that I posted was written like 4 months ago but I didn't manage to publish it because I couldn't manage to finish it due to college thing, so yeah.
I was thinking that I wanted to delete the second part of the post because it has been sitting there for a long time and it isn't worth continuing. But, on the second thought, I decided to continue and posted that part because I just felt like I wanted to and I also treated this blog as a media to actually expressed my feelings and like sharing stories for those who wanted to read it. So, there you have it.
And the posts is based on my experience. I'm the one who experienced this situation and it's a true story. It's not a fiction, it's a true story and it actually happened on last semester so it's kinda new to me and still fresh in my mind.
And I got three other "stories?" to publish and it was actually written on that semester but I was doing it in the notes on my phone because I couldn't managed to publish on the blog so I did it on my phone instead and i'm going to post it on the blog. So more to come. and maybe I'm going to edit a little post-comment on my three stories since that stories was happened months ago so- yeah.
For the next semester I think I might be updating the blog quite frequent if there is nothing to do. I guess? Since it's my internship maybe i'll get some free time to post a new blog? I don't know. We'll see what happens.
I guess that's it. I'll be back later when i'm free. So yeah thank you.
Unrequited love (part 2)
" Well you can try to get her but you have to get ready for what her answers was so that you didn't get so frustrated. And please don't affect your studies. that's all." That's what her friend told me.
and then the conversation ended.
Back in my room, I was laying down on my bed. Looking through the window. Thinking. For a long period of time.
" well, i'm totally hooked up by her. let's try this." My inner self told me.
Well basically we're communicating through whatsapp like there is nothing happened. She didn't even knew that I liked her. (I guess?) well basically we're talking as usual.
Not a lot of people in my class knew that I was having a crush on her. Several people were knew including my roommates, her girl friends, two of my classmates that I trusted, and my mom.
we actually did having a date (well it's not a date actually, she just wanted me to helped her find a new laptop) well we didn't talked much through the outing. I was suggesting the kind of laptop that suited her. Instead, she just smiled like she doesn't know what to do because she doesn't know anything about specs of a laptop. We did bought it at the end.
We did having a lunch at Mac Donald (well she's kind of wanted it by looking at her expression) and I bring her to Mcdonalds for lunch. After we've done having lunch, we just sat for a while and having conversation.. more like knowing each other. After a long period of time, we decided to go back to the hostel.
I send her all the way to the gate of her hostel, I was trying to bid farewell to her but my mind at that time like wanted to know her more and more and more and not going to let her go. But i knew she would just go away. Suddenly, I just didn't know what happened to me at that time, I called her name and said to her the most ridiculous yet cringy things I have ever said.
"HEY, YOU LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL TODAY"
and her reaction? of course she felt all embarassed and replied:
"EIII!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? IT'S RIDICULOUS!"
and she just straight out going to her hostel.
multiple facepalm kept on coming on my face. I went back, feeling embarassed.
That night, i'm having a chat with her on whatsapp and told me that she doesn't want to get complimented.
Now I know a part of her that I didn't know.
and stories goes all the way to the end... which is not a very good ending...
Unrequited love (part1)
"Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affection, or may consciously reject it." - Wikipedia.
But the girl that I admired knew that I like her. Well, because I confessed to her.
But she was not rejecting me nor accepting me.
I knew this girl since I'm in semester 1. Although at that time I didn't even knew who she was I just knew her from my classmates since we're on a different class even though we're in the same program which is sheet metal fabrication. In Semester 2, we still didn't knew each other but we did met face to face but as a stranger. In Semester 3, well this one I really knew her from my roommates (turns out to be my best friend) since he was in the same class as her. well actually he was in same class as her since semester 1 but I didn't really into her or something because i didn't knew her, how am I supposed to get into her.
Well it's in the middle of the semester that I started to knew her quite a bit. I can say that she the most shy girl I've ever seen in my whole life. Even when she asked me for help, she would just bring her friends (which is my classmates) and her friends are the one who was talking to me while she just hide behind something or behind her friends back. What I can do is just grinning and just helped her.
Before that, There some of my male classmates that are very interested on her and have already confessed their feelings towards her. Instead, she just rejected them one by one. Even the guys that she rejected claiming that she is a playgirl and always hurting guys feelings. (which is a whole lot of crap).
Well it's nearly the end of the semester 3, she started to talked to me through whatsapp, asking about studies, asking for my help about german, etc. Until, she just talked to me without any reason. So weirdly I just talked to her since I was thinking that she just wanted to be my friends. but that thing changed.
The way she type, the style, the looks of the typing was just looked like she was into you or admired you or like she was interested on you. So me, as the other guy, were hooked by the style of her typing and totally I was the one who was fallen in love with her. We were communicating a lot ( but not everyday) through whatsapp even we're on the semester break.
In semester 4, this semester. The feelings that i had right now is getting worse. I just felt really uncomfortable and uneasy until at some point i can't even concentrate on my studies. It hurts a lot. well yes i actually have a girlfriend before ( spoilers: we broke up) but this girl is seriously made me out of my mind i was just like banging my head on the wall like thousands and millions of time. I did talked to my roommate that was her classmates. He did tried to help me but he seemed like he wanted me to figured it out myself (because my roommates was her closest friends in the class) and for the first time of my entire life, I told my mom about her. The feelings that I had was so uneasy that made me telling my mom about this. This is just insane to me.
Until at some point, I talked to her friend about this and tried to know something about her through her friend. well her friend said, she still doesn't have someone for now, her friend were not sure whether she has crush or not but she has told her friends before that she doesn't want to be in relationship for now. And the thing that I said just now, she rejected the guys that tried to confessed and then they're claiming that she is a playgirl blah, blah, blah. Well I knew that from her friend too.
Well she was also been hurt by someone she loved and the guy that she loved ended up cheating on her. so, she kind of have a trauma about being in relationship and that made her felt cautious about that. But her friend told me that if I wanted to confessed to her or make a move on her, just try it but you have to calm down and accepting on what her answers are. Then, I told her friend about the style of typing on her whatsapp and she told me that that was normal, she did it to other guys. i was quite shocked to be honest. and then her friend said that is why people always misunderstood her intentions. She just wanted to be their friends, not more than that.
Well her friends did told her about the way she type was a bit too (romantic? i'm not sure what word that i can put to describe her way of typing. appealing? ugh let's proceed.) but what her answer was that's the way of her typing and she just want to find friends. well... that made me a lil bit heartbreaking.
The Kamen Rider Guy is Back! (sort of)
It has been a long time since i'm updated the blog
like what? 9 months?
damn... It's so longgg
Well i'm in midterm break right now
got 3 weeks holiday which is longer that I have expected.
But too bad, I received lots of assignments and yeah guess what.
I'm not going anywhere this holiday.
and now there is only one week to go before i'm going back to hostel.
and lots of assignment still left undone.
Well I guess i'm doing fine so far,
but yeah busy with studies and anything,
that is why i'm not updating the blog for this past 9 months,
nothing so special right now other than
I got a girlfriend.
don't wanna mention that.
I just don't want to.
It's kind of a long story.
I was thinking that what will happen to me in future.
no one knows other than the almighty god.
I guess that is all i'm gonna say.
see you on next post?
when i'm free?