Unrequited love (part1) posted at 07:54
Wednesday, 8 March 2017

"unrequited love"

"Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affection, or may consciously reject it." - Wikipedia.

But the girl that I admired knew that I like her. Well, because I confessed to her.
But she was not rejecting me nor accepting me.

I knew this girl since I'm in semester 1. Although at that time I didn't even knew who she was I just knew her from my classmates since we're on a different class even though we're in the same program which is sheet metal fabrication. In Semester 2, we still didn't knew each other but we did met face to face but as a stranger. In Semester 3, well this one I really knew her from my roommates (turns out to be my best friend) since he was in the same class as her. well actually he was in same class as her since semester 1 but I didn't really into her or something because i didn't knew her, how am I supposed to get into her.

Well it's in the middle of the semester that I started to knew her quite a bit. I can say that she the most shy girl I've ever seen in my whole life. Even when she asked me for help, she would just bring her friends (which is my classmates) and her friends are the one who was talking to me while she just hide behind something or behind her friends back. What I can do is just grinning and just helped her.

Before that, There some of my male classmates that are very interested on her and have already confessed their feelings towards her. Instead, she just rejected them one by one. Even the guys that she rejected claiming that she is a playgirl and always hurting males feelings. (which is a whole lot of crap). 

Well it's nearly the end of the semester 3, she started to talked to me through whatsapp, asking about studies, asking for my help about german, etc. Until, she just talked to me without any reason. So weirdly I just talked to her since I was thinking that she just wanted to be my friends. but that thing changed.

The way she type, the style, the looks of the typing was just looked like she was into you or admired you or like she was interested on you. So me, as the other guy, were hooked by the style of her typing and totally I was the one who was fallen in love with her. We were communicating a lot ( but not everyday) through whatsapp even we're on the semester break.

In semester 4, this semester. The feelings that i had right now is getting worsen. I just felt really uncomfortable and uneasy until at some point i can't even concentrate on my studies. It hurts a lot. well yes i actually have a girlfriend before ( spoilers: we broke up) but this girl are seriously made me out of my mind i was just like banging my head on the wall like thousands and millions of time. I did talked to my roommate that was her classmates. He did tried to help me but he seemed like he wanted me to figured it myself (because my roommates was her closest friends in the class) and for the first time of my entire life, I told my mom about her. The feelings that I had was so uneasy that made me telling my mom about this. This is just insane to me.

Until at some point, I talked to her friend about this and tried to know something about her through her friend. well her friend said, she still doesn't have someone for now, her friend were not sure whether she has crush or not but she has told her friends before that she doesn't want to be in relationship for now. And the thing that I said just now, she rejected the guys that tried to confessed and then they're claiming that she is a playgirl blah, blah, blah. Well I knew that from her friend too.

Well she was also been hurt by someone she loved and the guy that she loved ended up cheating on her. so, she kind of have a trauma about being in relationship and that made her felt cautious about that. But her friend told me that if I wanted to confessed to her or make a move on her, just try it but you have to calm down and accepting on what her answers are. Then, I told her friend about the style of typing on her whatsapp and she told me that that was normal, she did it to other guys. i was quite shocked to be honest. and then her friend said that is why people always misunderstood her intentions. She just wanted to be their friends, not more than that.

Well her friends did told her about the way she type was a bit too (romantic? i'm not sure what word that i can put to describe her way of typing. appealing? ugh let's proceed.) but what her answer was that's the way of her typing and she just want to find friends. well... that made me a lil bit heartbreaking. 

The Kamen Rider Guy is Back! (sort of) posted at 00:16
Monday, 12 September 2016

It has been a long time since i'm updated the blog
like what? 9 months? 
damn... It's so longgg 

Well i'm in midterm break right now
got 3 weeks holiday which is longer that I have expected.
But too bad, I received lots of assignments and yeah guess what.
I'm not going anywhere this holiday.

and now there is only one week to go before i'm going back to hostel.
and lots of assignment still left undone.


Well I guess i'm doing fine so far,
but yeah busy with studies and anything,
that is why i'm not updating the blog for this past 9 months,
nothing so special right now other than I got a girlfriend.

don't wanna mention that.
I just don't want to.

It's kind of a long story.
So, yeah. 

I was thinking that what will happen to me in future.
no one knows other than the almighty god.

So yeah.
I guess that is all i'm gonna say.
see you on next post?
I guess?
when i'm free?

So hm.

Peace out.

BAD RESULT. posted at 00:29
Saturday, 9 January 2016


Today, as usual. nothing to do besides sitting in front of my laptop.

So. today my final exam result came out and turned out not very good.
Could you believe that?
That's bad for me.
I don't know why. But I think i'm quite angry at myself.
I'm just- speechless.
and the thing that I really hate when people really want to know your pointer.
Like seriously.
I know you got good pointer.
The thing is- just shut the hell up.
Don't ask other people how much is their pointer.

I don't know...
I just feel like....
College years is so important.
even though it's not a bad grade.
But I think I can do a lot more than that.

And I don't know why..
I really hate this line...
'It's okay mate. You can do better next time!'
I really hate that line when this kind of situation like right now happened.
and there is one roommate that really really want to know everybody's pointer.
and I really annoys him so much from the first time I knew him.

My roommate: Fiki, how much you got?
Me: Not good mate.
My roommate: Come on tell me how much you got?

Like literally why he wants to know my pointer so much?
So I asked him to tell his pointer first.

My roommate: I got 2.59. Mine is sooo bad. come on seriously tell me yours.
Me: I'm a little bit lower that yours.
My roommate: come on. don't playing with me now. tell me yours.
Me: Okokok. I got 2.47. Happy now? Now i want to go to sleep.
My roommate: My god. hmm.

We ended the conversation with "My god. hmm."
That reaction really pisses me off.
The thing that he talked to me like that- is seriously made me feel so down.

I think i'm done..
I wanna eat some fruits right now...

peace out...
Being immortal. posted at 23:56
Sunday, 3 January 2016

Nothing interesting today. Just going out with my family.
Visiting my bro's workplace.
Seeing a couple of horses. haha,
It's been a long time!

Well you know what?
I was wondering
What if I will not gonna die for whatever reasons.
and I'm just be immortal..

Some people will say.
"Well that's good bro!
you can see what's happen in the future!
you can see how the world change for the next
hundred years,thousand years or maybe BILLION years!
and bla bla bla"

For me to be honest
yes it's true that you see the future..
you can feel what's the difference between today and the next thousand years.
Have you ever think that you are the only person who is immortal.
How about your love ones?
How about your girlfriend/wife?
How about your family?
Can you live for billion years without a family?
without your soulmate?
find another soulmate?
create a new family?
are you sure you can stand it?
even though you keep on losing someone you love
and find another one?
don't you miss them?
If you don't then you're a liar..

So yeah. i would rather die than being alone.
Living in the future with no one on your side is not cool man.
Not cool.

Peace out.

The Strong Man posted at 23:48
Saturday, 2 January 2016

Yo! nothing much to do today.
Just stay at home watching tv.
There is a show marathon on History called "Gangland Undercover"
It's just a short drama with just 6 episodes.
It's about a man who is undercovered as a gang member called Vago.
Btw the show is based on true story. It's a good show I liked it.

Sigh... The college starts on 11th January.
Better get ready huh? haha..
I wonder what happen next...
Will it be the new "Drama" coming from the people who is close to me?
or maybe it's me who will create the "Drama" for this year?
I don't know... only god knows what will happen next..

But the question is... will I find my soulmate this year?
hahaha... it's not wrong right? I want a girlfriend too! /laughs/
Well maybe not... Hm? why?
Because i'm a coward...
I'm not the one who will make a move first...
/laughs/ i'm such a loser right?
Maybe i will be the one who will be getting married at the age of 30 or maybe 40.
or maybe not getting married for the rest of my life..
I'm just here solving everyone's problems.
Well that's good to me.
I love to hear people's problems.
That's me.
I don't want people to suffer.
I don't like to see people suffering.

It's my job to hear their problems.
and I'm here to help them.
Especially to one of my bestfriend.
The slim little bastard who always begging to hear his stories.
and yes. His stories are amazing.
Whether it's good or bad. it's still amazing.
I can make a book based on his stories. no offence
and to tell you the truth..
I just want to be like him..
A hardworking, genius little bastard.
who will do this just for his loved ones.
although he is annoying and I mean it.
But he is my idol.
I can say that he is my idol.

I just want to see him. FOR ONCE. seeing him crying in front of my eyes.
Because I know that he's been through hell last year.
and I'm here to wipe his tears and give him a manly hug. NO GAY INTENDED.
If i was him. Maybe i would've been commited suicide.
He is such a strong man.
Childish, immature but a strong little man.

Peace out.

HAPPY NEW YEAR. posted at 00:31
Friday, 1 January 2016
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!!!!!
NEW YEAR, NEW ME!!!! (yeah. bullshit) 

I don't want to wish a lot. Because i will ended up not doing it at all. xD
So i just want to say:
- I hope that I will stay healthy.
-Study as hard and as smart as I can.
-To be success in education and also in life.
-Be confident. because i've lost a lot of confidence in 2015.
-Not to do any stupid things. yeah.I was doing it a lot in 2015. A LOT.

5 is quite a lot to me. I wonder if I can do all the wishlist. xD

... posted at 23:08
Thursday, 31 December 2015

What kind of things that always changed your mood drastically?
Can you guys figure it out?
It’s music…
Yes indeed it changed someone’s mood very fast in the blink of an eye…
It can make you happy, sad, mad, sleepy, comfortable, being crazy very fast…
That’s how magic the music is…
Is it a magic?
I have no idea…

about chat exits
willkommen ^o^
Different people has their own different stories. and this- is my story.