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Fiki Aminudin
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about
The blog is basically about my point of view, my life, my philosophy.sorry for all the grammatical error.
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Amzar Adam Nurin Athirah

Unrequited love (part1)



 "unrequited love"

 "Unrequited love or one-sided love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer's deep and strong romantic affection, or may consciously reject it." - Wikipedia.

 But the girl that I admired knew that I like her. Well, because I confessed to her.
But she was not rejecting me nor accepting me.

I knew this girl since I'm in semester 1. Although at that time I didn't even knew who she was I just knew her from my classmates since we're on a different class even though we're in the same program which is sheet metal fabrication. In Semester 2, we still didn't knew each other but we did met face to face but as a stranger. In Semester 3, well this one I really knew her from my roommates (turns out to be my best friend) since he was in the same class as her. well actually he was in same class as her since semester 1 but I didn't really into her or something because i didn't knew her, how am I supposed to get into her.

 Well it's in the middle of the semester that I started to knew her quite a bit. I can say that she the most shy girl I've ever seen in my whole life. Even when she asked me for help, she would just bring her friends (which is my classmates) and her friends are the one who was talking to me while she just hide behind something or behind her friends back. What I can do is just grinning and just helped her.
Before that, There some of my male classmates that are very interested on her and have already confessed their feelings towards her. Instead, she just rejected them one by one. Even the guys that she rejected claiming that she is a playgirl and always hurting guys feelings. (which is a whole lot of crap). 

 Well it's nearly the end of the semester 3, she started to talked to me through whatsapp, asking about studies, asking for my help about german, etc. Until, she just talked to me without any reason. So weirdly I just talked to her since I was thinking that she just wanted to be my friends. but that thing changed.

 The way she type, the style, the looks of the typing was just looked like she was into you or admired you or like she was interested on you. So me, as the other guy, were hooked by the style of her typing and totally I was the one who was fallen in love with her. We were communicating a lot ( but not everyday) through whatsapp even we're on the semester break.

 In semester 4, this semester. The feelings that i had right now is getting worse. I just felt really uncomfortable and uneasy until at some point i can't even concentrate on my studies. It hurts a lot. well yes i actually have a girlfriend before ( spoilers: we broke up) but this girl is seriously made me out of my mind i was just like banging my head on the wall like thousands and millions of time. I did talked to my roommate that was her classmates. He did tried to help me but he seemed like he wanted me to figured it out myself (because my roommates was her closest friends in the class) and for the first time of my entire life, I told my mom about her. The feelings that I had was so uneasy that made me telling my mom about this. This is just insane to me.

 Until at some point, I talked to her friend about this and tried to know something about her through her friend. well her friend said, she still doesn't have someone for now, her friend were not sure whether she has crush or not but she has told her friends before that she doesn't want to be in relationship for now. And the thing that I said just now, she rejected the guys that tried to confessed and then they're claiming that she is a playgirl blah, blah, blah. Well I knew that from her friend too.
Well she was also been hurt by someone she loved and the guy that she loved ended up cheating on her. so, she kind of have a trauma about being in relationship and that made her felt cautious about that. But her friend told me that if I wanted to confessed to her or make a move on her, just try it but you have to calm down and accepting on what her answers are. Then, I told her friend about the style of typing on her whatsapp and she told me that that was normal, she did it to other guys. i was quite shocked to be honest. and then her friend said that is why people always misunderstood her intentions. She just wanted to be their friends, not more than that.

 Well her friends did told her about the way she type was a bit too (romantic? i'm not sure what word that i can put to describe her way of typing. appealing? ugh let's proceed.) but what her answer was that's the way of her typing and she just want to find friends. well... that made me a lil bit heartbreaking.