It's me!
So it's Friday, 14th July 2017. The start of my internship is getting closer. Damn I'm still not ready for that. Tomorrow i'm going to leave my lovely house again and drive to cyberjaya since my company is near cyberjaya. So yeah- wish me luck guys!
Well, as you guys knew from the previous blog that I posted, this is the first as I say a "story" from the note on my phone that has been sitting there for months and that was for this blog but actually I don't have any time to post it on the blog. So I kept it whenever i'm free so yeah- I'm kind of free today so I decided to post the first story or maybe the continuation for the part 2 of " unrequited love " hahahaha. looks like i'm making a novel.
So here it is!
*note that the highlighted writing is recently typed by me.
((Well this is the time when I was already confessed to her after like a month since the first not-really-a-date if i'm not mistaken and she did not gave any answer and i was willing to wait for her answer and saying a lot of nonsense things that I don't want to say because its really cringy and stupid.
So after all the confession happened, I was trying really really hard to make sure she accept me by saying good morning and good night everyday, calling her , sometimes i gave her something like teddy bear, shawls she never wore it because the pattern of the shawl looked weird etc. I was also having a lot of depression just because of this thing. I was really worried about what is her answer she's going to give me. it's either accepting me or probably rejecting me. I've never been so depressed in my entire life. and waiting for her answer is just really torturing me. this is the time when I was still having so much hopes on her and crying like a little bitch, literally like a little bitch.
and there is this one night that she really asking me a lot of questions to making sure how serious I am to her and then she decided to say this: ))
" Okay, mcm ni, kami akan cuba untuk ((suka)) Fiki. Tapi, kalau kami tak boleh, jangan marah erk?"
I won't mad, i won't get angry, I won't get upset if you can't love me back. But I will try and try and keep on trying. Until you finally like me. (Yeah that's the bullshit me)
But those sentence that you said to me, are you really meant it? Like do you actually trying to like me? What I saw is just nothing. You're still you. You're not even trying.
I always thought that did you actually felt really annoyed by me? Like seriously annoyed by me? I still can't read on what you're actually thinking. I wish I can read your mind that did you really like me or you like someone else. I always thought that you like Nik (This is when the jealousy started to develop inside of me. Which makes the friendship between me and Nik started to get loose).
Because you always talking about him, always calling his name, always relied on him. Like you're actually wanted him to be yours or something. I said that I'm not jealous but the truth is I am really jealous. That level on how jealous I am that it kept on appearing in my dreams. Wherever you're in my dreams, there is always him that appeared. Sometimes i get really fed up by it. It's like a nightmare for me.
I just hoped that the dreams didn't come true. What comes true is when you are with me forever and ever till jannah insyaallah.
(And turns up it didn't come true. HAHAHAHAHA. Well,Allah has better plan)
Ya Allah it's so cringy while reading it.
Well what to do. When you already in love with someone, all kinds of nonsense hopes and promises started to came out of nowhere without realizing the consequences.
I guess this is the end of my post. There is more to come.
Peace out.
